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In My Mind
Ryo-oki
bikil
Sometimes you're in just the right place, at just the right time, with just the right brain goin' on, that a song/poem/book/story, hits you EXACTLY right and your life feels different after. I had this experience a month or so ago with an Amanda Palmer song, In My Mind. She just released the video a month ago, I follow her on Twitter, so I got the link. I didn't look at it for a few days, but one day, feeling quite low about work (which was crazy-busy at the time) and low about things in my life in general, I gave it a listen.

And was blown away.

I listened again, and again, and again, and again. I came home and shared it with everyone in the house. My daughter wanted to also hear it again, and again, and again. She often will ask to see it first thing in the morning "Mama, play My Mind!" And I must comply, what can I do?

The amazing thing about the song is that it goes through a journey that I have been going through, the journey to self-acceptance, the journey to lose the expectations that you have had and will have about yourself and the life you lead. And, most importantly, the journey to figure out that you are exactly the person that you want to be.

The video is amazing, too. And beautiful, and gorgeous, just like Amanda. Please do yourself a favor and check it out.

I provide for you the lyrics because they are so mind-blowingly wonderful to me:

In my mind
In a future five years from now
I'm a hundred and twenty pounds
And I never get hungover
Because I
Will be the picture of discipline
Never minding what state I'm in
And I will be someone I admire
And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how
To see
That I'm not exactly the person that I thought I'd be.

And in my mind
In the far-away here-and-now
I've become in control somehow
And I never lose my wallet
Because I
Will be the picture of discipline
Never fucking-up anything
And I'll be a good defensive driver

And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how
To see
That I'll never be the person that I thought I'd be.

And in my mind
When I'm old I am beautiful,
Planting tulips and vegetables
Which I will mindfully watch over

Not like me now
I'm so busy with everything
That I don't look at anything

But I'm sure I'll look when I am older

And it's funny how I imagined
That I could be that person now
That that's not what I want
But that's what I wanted
That I'd be giving up somehow
How strange to see
That I don't want to be the person that I want to be.

And in my mind
I imagine so many things
Things that aren't really happening
And when they put me in the ground

I'll start pounding the lid,
Saying, "I haven't finished yet,
I still have a tattoo to get,
That says, 'I'm living in the moment'".

And it's funny how I imagined
That I could win this win-less fight
Maybe it isn't all that funny
That I've been fighting all my life
But maybe I have to think it's funny
If I want to live before I die
And maybe it's funniest of all
To think I'll die before I actually
See
That I am exactly the person that I want to be.

Fuck yes.

I am exactly the person that I want to be.

  • 1
This is really powerful. Wow.

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